Building 191 rooms

TWO-HEADED MOSS: PLANT
ANTI-GARGOYLE: MONSTER
PIRATE SCARAB: VERMIN
GRINNING DWARF: HUMANOID
IMAGINARY OGRE: BOSS
BLUE WEASEL: CRITTER

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Room A.
SIGHT: Flowers bloom everywhere, even where they shouldn't. Especially where they shouldn't.
Lava tube. Cracks in walls, GRINNING DWARFs compressed in spaces behind cracks. Not planning to ambush, terrified of you, want you to go away. One has a APPARATUS OF THE LICH and no idea how to use it. Neither do you.
Room B.
SIGHT: Extremely high ceiling narrows to tiny skylight.
GRINNING DWARF marketplace. Stalls selling rusted-through pots, moldy fruit, actual piles of shit. Violence prohibited in marketplace, they will not hurt you as long as you stay within the prescribed boundaries and don't break any of their weird taboos.
Room C.
THAGONEUS the DEVOUT ASSASSIN impressing GRINNING DWARFs w/ magical powers of BRACERS OF FIRE, attempting to convince them that it is their rightful king. Will turn them on PCs if they do not show THAGONEUS the DEVOUT ASSASSIN proper signs of obeisance. GRINNING DWARFs just humouring THAGONEUS the DEVOUT ASSASSIN, will happily play along.
Room D.
SOUND: Sound like crunching glass or gnawing teeth. Comes from within walls.
SIGHT: Ammonite, trilobite fossils visible in walls.
THEODLET the SERVILE MONK, armed w/ HATCHET OF WISHES, on quest to kill a ANTI-GARGOYLE, which they are only semi-certain even lives in this dungeon.
Room E.
SOUND: Almost-subsonic warble of cave songbirds.
SIGHT: Room is part of ancient mansion, walls are rotting wood.
One of those Ripley's Believe It Or Not rooms where there's a row of mirrors along one wall and once you go around the corridor you can see through them. Couple of GRINNING DWARFs behind mirrors making fun of PCs, will flee as they approach. If the PCs linger, GRUFEEN the STINKING PALADIN will come through on the other side of the mirrors and accidentally reveal something they would kill to keep secret.
Room F.
SIGHT: Ammonite, trilobite fossils visible in walls.
Spiral staircase. Young GRINNING DWARFs sliding down bannisters. Will run away if they spot you, bring back angry parents.
Room G.
GRINNING DWARFs engaging in orgiastic rite to win favour of dungeon god. Incredibly eager for you to join in.
Room H.
Two statues. One always tells lies, one always tells the truth. They only know things that statues would know. None of the passages out of this room are trapped or dangerous in any way.
Room I.
SMELL: Salty as sea-air.
Rope bridge across underground lake. Third exit at water level, can be accessed by diving into water, but you'll want some plan for getting out again. ANTI-GARGOYLE that lives in lake usually not hungry.
Room J.
SMELL: Stagnant air and decay.
Pit with PIRATE SCARAB lurking at bottom. V. poorly concealed. A couple of gold coins and a DIADEM OF FORTUNE in extremely poor condition gleam among the bones of a dead adventurer.
Room K.
PANDOSSUS the CRUEL COURTIER consulting beautifully-drawn, inaccurate dungeon map. They are looking for a HAND OF BLASTING, an heirloom of their family, which was stolen by GRINNING DWARFs and is now hidden in a filth-crusted sack somewhere in room .
Room L.
SIGHT: Walls rough-hewn chunks of black glass, edges sharp to touch.
Enormous brass lever that raises/lowers water level throughout whole dungeon. There is another, similar level in room ~.
Room M.
Floor of cave is shoulder-high thicket of TWO-HEADED MOSSS. Exits raised. Stones protruding from top of thicket let you jump across. TWO-HEADED MOSSs carnivorous, BLUE WEASELs in symbiotic relationship w/ them will attack when you are halfway across.
Room N.
SOUND: Howling laughter, swiftly fades to nothing.
One path overgrown w/ TWO-HEADED MOSS, one dry and barren, one littered w/ skeletons. TWO-HEADED MOSSs carnivorous, practiced in throwing bones across room for no other reason that they can't digest them and find them unseemly.
Room O.
SMELL: Stagnant air and decay.
Apparently empty room w/ very high ceiling. Vibrations in floor disturb the nests, cause rain of PIRATE SCARABs. Safe to move around edges of room.
Room P.
SOUND: Slow, monotonous weeping. Sounds like it's been going for a very long time.
SIGHT: Room is part of ancient castle, walls are slabs of stone.
Circular room. When you enter all the doors slam shut, it spins around faster and faster until you don't know which way you're facing, save or be nauseated then roll 1d4 for direction you leave in. Square hole in centre, square wooden peg hidden in room can lock it in place.
Room Q.
SIGHT: Walls carved w/ ancient glyphs, adorned w/ partial mosaics.
Looks like three-way intersection. One exit actually trap, leads to immediate dead end and floor collapse. Then GRINNING DWARFs come in and start poking you w/ sticks.
Room R.
Thick grove of TWO-HEADED MOSS makes it impossible to see the other side of the room. ANTI-GARGOYLE lurks in ambush within. It has just fed and is currently in process of burying the bones of a BLUE WEASEL in the heavy loam of the room's floor, feeding the plants with marrow to maintain their symbiotic relationship. Still happy to kill PCs though, can always save them for later.
Room S.
Stepping stones over slow-trickling underground river. Actually pretty easy to cross. BLUE WEASELs drinking at edges, not aggressive unless provoked. Easy to provoke though.
Room T.
SMELL: Dry and musty, like mummy wrappings and black mold.
ANTI-GARGOYLE asleep in centre of irregular room, can only be squeezed round w/ difficulty.
Room U.
SOUND: Howling laughter, swiftly fades to nothing.
Bemused ANTI-GARGOYLE being worshipped by bunch of prostrated GRINNING DWARFs. 25% chance this is actually a clever trick to get close enough to kill it.
Room V.
Dungeon cenote. Sides overgrown with TWO-HEADED MOSS, climbdownable. Beautiful turquoise blue water. Bioluminescent bacteria intelligent, psychic, capable of projecting terrifyingly potent hallucinations/activating devotional centre of brain to make you think you see God. Bottom of cenote littered w/ human skeletons from sacrifices. Bacteria feed off flesh. One exit through underwater tunnel, skeleton in tunnel clutches bag of diamond dust and wears water-damaged BOOTS OF THE ELEMENTS. GRINNING DWARF cultists soon to return.
Room W.
Hall lined w/ oil paintings of forgotten aristocracy. Some have been defaced. Cursory knowledge of local history will tell you which conceals secret door.
Room X.
Beautiful woman made of glass, living in pit of liquid glass. Can see future with 95% accuracy. No particular reason to help PCs, but would rather like to get her hands on fragile glass chalice in room (she'll eat it). Would be worth a lot if somehow extracted from dungeon and sold as artwork. Scream is like damp fingertip on rim of wineglass, summons ANTI-GARGOYLE from another part of dungeon.
Room Y.
Big wooden door halfway along corridor locked as fuck. Key in possession of GRINNING DWARF in room .
Room Z.
Terraced volcanic pools of bubbling, sulphurated water, getting warmer as you get closer to the bottom. ANTI-GARGOYLE drinking from second-lowest pool, temporarily pacified by calming effects of hot spring, will not attack unless provoked.
Room [.
SOUND: Slow, monotonous weeping. Sounds like it's been going for a very long time.
SIGHT: Empty, rusted iron cages hang from hooks in the wall.
Crossroads, but one exit just loops back around into the other one. Walls of loop contain shelves for entombed corpses w/ gold coins on their eyes and PIRATE SCARAB concealed in their flesh.
Room \.
Looks like three-doored room. Tarnished mirror in corner will, if cleaned, show secret fourth exit in reflection. If taken to any other room it will also show a secret extra exit in that room. Secret extra exit always goes to same place, no matter where you are in the world. Overuse has chance of awakening evil reflection monsters.
Room ].
SIGHT: Empty, rusted iron cages hang from hooks in the wall.
SMELL: Spoiled-sweet, like garbage.
Completely empty room. Or is it? Yes. Yes it is.
Room ^.
SIGHT: Walls are murky green glass. You almost feel like you can see through to the next room.
Ledge halfway up wall of big cylindrical pit-cavern, no way in, out except via entrances to ledge. ANTI-GARGOYLE trapped at bottom of pit, bleeding from a number of minor wounds. Extremely long spiked sticks for poking it with. Couple of GRINNING DWARFs indulging in this pastime.
Room _.
SOUND: Chirps of cave crickets.
SIGHT: Bioluminescent bacteria gleam in the walls and the dark mud of the floor.
Long flight of marble stairs painted black and white like piano keys. Stepping on wrong stairs flattens them into slide, makes climbing extremely difficult, getting down fun. Somebody in room knows secret pattern or it's hidden in mosaic on walls. Anyone who's a musician gets a bonus to working it out. You decide which side PCs start on.
Room `.
IMPOSSUS the NERVOUS POLITICIAN, pacing. Could swear there was a secret door somewhere along this otherwise featureless corridor (there isn't).
Room a.
CHANDIAN the CHEERFUL PIRATE, wearing NECKLACE OF SILENCE, meditating atop stone pillar to unlock its full power, which they intend to use to conquer world.
Room b.
SMELL: Rotten-egg brimstone.
SIGHT: Bioluminescent bacteria gleam in the walls and the dark mud of the floor.
One passage being slowly walled off by GRINNING DWARFs under supervision of cranky, half-asleep IMAGINARY OGRE who is enforcing compliance w/ threat of physical violence, eternal torment.
Room c.
SMELL: Air disgustingly humid.
IMAGINARY OGRE is having tea party w/ nervous GRINNING DWARFs, kidnapped STATHIA the PITIABLE MERCHANT. Will insist that you join it. Will murder people for impoliteness, reward proper etiquette w/ fine and expensive cakes.
Room d.
SIGHT: Dust on every flat surface.
SMELL: Meaty reek of underworld flowers, like frying fat and potpourri.
Space-distorting statue in exactly-square corner of corridor. Shaking right hand will increase number of corners until corridor is mile-long side of polygon. Shaking left hand will decrease it again.
Room e.
Dungeon oasis. Lake of pure water, grove of TWO-HEADED MOSS, BLUE WEASELs and GRINNING DWARFs drinking together in peace. If you start a fight here everyone in the dungeon will find out about it and regard you with unremitting hostility forever.
Room f.
SOUND: Dead silence. Even your voices muffled.
ANTI-GARGOYLE w/ MACE OF THE ZEPHYR stuck in it. Extremely unhappy. Someone in room concealing serious wound, would like MACE OF THE ZEPHYR back.
Room g.
Room shaped like inside of tetrahedron. Anyone standing in etched circle in room's centre teleported to random other room of dungeon. Can be controlled by fetching tetrahedronal crystal in room O, will grant access to secret treasure chamber w/ no doors leading to it. Someone has to stay behind to teleport you out again.
Room h.
SIGHT: There is a mirror in this room. It's not magical or special, it's an ordinary mirror.
SMELL: Stagnant air and decay.
Mechanical platform that takes you from top of shaft to bottom of shaft w/ ease. Third exit halfway up shaft, goes by too quickly to jump to. Each time you use it, 25% chance that tinkering GRINNING DWARFs will jam the platform just below the third exit and attack from above.
Room i.
SMELL: Rotten-egg brimstone.
HOBBUNDUS the EXCITABLE EMPRESS corners you, demands that you answer their riddles to determine which of the paths before you is true and which is false. One path conceals a swinging-blade trap, HOBBUNDUS the EXCITABLE EMPRESS fully aware of where this is and how to circumvent it.
Room j.
YASHROD the CHEERFUL COOK looking for girl/boy/personfriend, who they think is being held captive by GRINNING DWARFS. Actually came with them willingly to get away from YASHROD the CHEERFUL COOK, now rethinking it, dungeon life losing sense of mystery and grandeur. Still hates YASHROD the CHEERFUL COOK though. Is in room .
Room k.
SMELL: Humans being cooked. Indistinguishable from roast pork except to trained noses.
Crevasse just wide enough to jump across. Darkness above. Anyone who falls in comes out of roof, keeps falling until caught. There was a huge butterfly net in room and now you know why.
Room l.
Waterfall that trickles in through crack in wall, disappears in swirling vortex into crack in earth. Tricky climb, must be made to pass room. BLUE WEASEL den hidden in cave behind waterfall, half-digested CORD OF THE SERPENT in stomach of sleeping BLUE WEASEL.
Room m.
SIGHT: The roots of an ancient tree emerge from the roof.
Inverted ziggurat - steps going down to bottom of room, altar to dungeon god at lowest point. THAGOXIS the RACIST BANKER is tied to altar with GRINNING DWARFs preparing to sacrifice them. Everything exactly as it seems.
Room n.
SIGHT: Ammonite, trilobite fossils visible in walls.
At least twenty doors. Most just lead into cupboards full of toxic mould, foul garderobes or empty sarcophagi. A few are unopenable, having nothing but rock behind them. FENDRIGHT the PARANOID SOLDIER has got themselves trapped behind one and there's a half-rotted CUIRASS OF RESISTANCE in the wardrobe behind another.
Room o.
IMAGINARY OGRE chained by leg or eye-stalk to centre of room. Half a dozen scabby GRINNING DWARFs taunting and jeering it.
Room p.
SOUND: Sound like crunching glass or gnawing teeth. Comes from within walls.
One exit blocked by enormous obese PIRATE SCARAB, will only move if presented with still-alive captured GRINNING DWARF or enormous quantity of garbage.
Room q.
Clay nest of PIRATE SCARAB in corner. Single GRINNING DWARF tasked w/ exterminating it, no idea where to begin, will lead you to hiding place of FIGURINE OF BLASTING in room if you can give it a hand. Surprisingly reliable and honest.
Room r.
SMELL: Strangely cold, like being in a meat freezer.
SIGHT: Immense limestone stalactites hang from ceiling.
Seems like straight corridor. Really obvious secret doors spaced out at five-metre intervals along corridor - loose bricks, bookshelves w/ books sticking out, candlesticks on funny angles, etc. All just spray acid except one.
Room s.
Foucault pendulum tracing path in sand of dungeon floor. Messing with it affects gravity slightly throughout entire dungeon.
Room t.
SIGHT: Everything is coated in fine layer of snail slime.
Big circular room, IMAGINARY OGRE armed with MACE OF GOOD patrolling boundaries. IMAGINARY OGRE will not allow anyone to pass straight through crossroads. Doesn't mind you turning corners. Cheating by trying to turn two corners will be strictly punished.
Room u.
Cube-shaped room w/ square sliding puzzle on plinth in centre. Fetching missing piece from room and solving puzzle will completely reconfigure dungeon, reality around PCs. Roll a new dungeon, place PCs in random room.
Room v.
Almost-frictionless surface. Works like the ice puzzles in Pokemon - once you pick a direction you're stuck with it until you hit a solid surface. Dotted with menhirs. One GRINNING DWARF w/ projectile weapon at far end of room.
Room w.
SIGHT: Walls rough-hewn chunks of black glass, edges sharp to touch.
Smooth, round tunnel of enormous PIRATE SCARAB, which you will find advancing towards you when you are halfway along.
Room x.
SIGHT: Dust on every flat surface.
High ledge w/ two entrances that looks out over vast lake of lava. One GRINNING DWARF peacefully fishing w/ brass rod, wire, hook. If left alone long enough he will catch something. 50% chance of hungry lava fish, 50% chance of lava treasure.
Room y.
SIGHT: Walls are murky green glass. You almost feel like you can see through to the next room.
Panicky GRINNING DWARF wearing obviously-stolen CUIRASS OF THE PHILOSOPHER caught at fork in road, not sure which way to go. In one round BESHLOSIA the OBSEQUIOUS POET, conspicuously missing CUIRASS OF THE PHILOSOPHER, will emerge on scene and demand it back.
Room z.
One path overgrown w/ TWO-HEADED MOSS, one dry and barren, one littered w/ skeletons. TWO-HEADED MOSSs carnivorous, practiced in throwing bones across room for no other reason that they can't digest them and find them unseemly.
Room {.
DREGIVER the NERVOUS GARDENER corners you, demands that you answer their riddles to determine which of the paths before you is true and which is false. One path conceals a swinging-blade trap, DREGIVER the NERVOUS GARDENER fully aware of where this is and how to circumvent it.
Room |.
SMELL: Rotten-egg brimstone.
SIGHT: Cobwebs in every corner.
Foucault pendulum tracing path in sand of dungeon floor. Messing with it affects gravity slightly throughout entire dungeon.
Room }.
Dungeon cenote. Sides overgrown with TWO-HEADED MOSS, climbdownable. Beautiful turquoise blue water. Bioluminescent bacteria intelligent, psychic, capable of projecting terrifyingly potent hallucinations/activating devotional centre of brain to make you think you see God. Bottom of cenote littered w/ human skeletons from sacrifices. Bacteria feed off flesh. One exit through underwater tunnel, skeleton in tunnel clutches bag of diamond dust and wears water-damaged SINGING SHIELD. GRINNING DWARF cultists soon to return.
Room ~.
SIGHT: Cobwebs in every corner.
JULDLEGG the JOLLY COURTIER, suffering catastrophic memory failure, no longer sure which way they came in. Single glowing blue mushroom in centre of room does nothing if touched. Memories leeched by prolonged exposure to its light. Eating it gives you all the memories it's absorbed.
Room .
SOUND: Slow, monotonous weeping. Sounds like it's been going for a very long time.
Iron portcullis, GRINNING DWARF on other side asking substantial fee to raise it. Will slam it shut when you're directly under it to try and spike you to death. If you approach this from the other side the GRINNING DWARF will also be on the other side, it can squeeze through the bars.
Room .
SHIREFFO the DEVOUT CLOWN, wearing GOGGLES OF THE MORNING, meditating atop stone pillar to unlock its full power, which they intend to use to conquer world.
Room .
Single enormous TWO-HEADED MOSS growing up towards skylight in very top of room. PIRATE SCARAB nesting in roots.
Room .
One passage being slowly walled off by GRINNING DWARFs under supervision of cranky, half-asleep IMAGINARY OGRE who is enforcing compliance w/ threat of physical violence, eternal torment.
Room .
Pool of stagnant water with treasure chest at bottom. Treasure chest contains bound, gagged JULDLEY the WHIMSICAL CLOWN, is temporarily watertight. If released JULDLEY the WHIMSICAL CLOWN will demand vengeance on GRINNING DWARF in room , offer reward for assistance in this matter.
Room .
SMELL: Spilt beer accumulated over decades.
SIGHT: Walls carved w/ ancient glyphs, adorned w/ partial mosaics.
LUBBOXIS the PITIABLE BARBARIAN attempting to domesticate BLUE WEASEL, with limited success. Has been reliably informed that BLUE WEASEL's favourite food is TWO-HEADED MOSS, will pay semi-handsomely for samples.
Room .
ANTI-GARGOYLE asleep in centre of irregular room, can only be squeezed round w/ difficulty.
Room .
SMELL: Vomit.
GRINNING DWARF herdsmen squabbling over where the sweetest TWO-HEADED MOSSS are. Ones in room apparently not sweet enough. Herds of BLUE WEASELs getting bored, hungry.
Room .
SOUND: Crunch of footsteps on sand.
IMAGINARY OGRE is having tea party w/ nervous GRINNING DWARFs, kidnapped FELESTER the MOROSE CLOWN. Will insist that you join it. Will murder people for impoliteness, reward proper etiquette w/ fine and expensive cakes.
Room .
SOUND: Agonizingly slow waterdrip.
SMELL: Humans being cooked. Indistinguishable from roast pork except to trained noses.
Couple of GRINNING DWARFs around shallow pit, gambling on combat between trained PIRATE SCARAB. Intruders will be hurled into pit, but if you wait long enough the furious loser will accuse the winner of cheating and a fight will ensure.
Room .
SOUND: Toads croaking.
Salt lick. Vein of salt (somehow) in wall of cave, BLUE WEASELs lapping at it. If you bring salt to other parts of cave the BLUE WEASELs there will lick it out of your hands and it will be adorable.
Room .
Floor of cave is shoulder-high thicket of TWO-HEADED MOSSS. Exits raised. Stones protruding from top of thicket let you jump across. TWO-HEADED MOSSs carnivorous, BLUE WEASELs in symbiotic relationship w/ them will attack when you are halfway across.
Room .
SOUND: Dead silence. Even your voices muffled.
Seems like straight corridor. Really obvious secret doors spaced out at five-metre intervals along corridor - loose bricks, bookshelves w/ books sticking out, candlesticks on funny angles, etc. All just spray acid except one.
Room .
SMELL: Vomit.
Bunch of GRINNING DWARFs quivering in fear as you approach. ANTI-GARGOYLE followed you in, is directly behind you.
Room .
GRINNING DWARFs in flimsy tin-pan armour, wielding long pointy sticks, riding poorly-tamed BLUE WEASELs, practicing jousting.
Room .
Treasure room. Magnetic gates prevent you removing any gold or steel, even if you brought it in with you. SPEAR OF GOOD made of pure gold in hand of enormous porcelain golem. Talisman in room deactivates gates, activates golem.
Room .
Two bridges across enormous bottomless pit. They do not intersect. Easy to go directly across, difficult to turn corners.
Room .
Hall of statues that look exactly like ANTI-GARGOYLE. One of them is hollow and filled with PIRATE SCARAB.
Room .
SOUND: Chirps of cave crickets.
SMELL: Humans being cooked. Indistinguishable from roast pork except to trained noses.
Huge cavernous room w/ tiny campfire somewhere in middle. GRINNING DWARFs sitting around campfire, roasting sausages, telling filthy stories.
Room .
BRODOBO the POMPOUS COURTESAN, playing the flute. Has no idea they're in a dungeon. Can see everything around them perfectly clearly, just refuses to believe it's a dungeon. Will confabulate other things it could be. Flute not magical unless you desperately need it to be.
Room .
IMAGINARY OGRE's walk-in wardrobe. One entrance through wardrobe doors, one hidden behind layers of clothing. Careful searching will reveal a GLOVES OF HEALING, two living scarves that try to strangle you and a GRINNING DWARF in fancy dress.
Room .
CHANDWEND the JOLLY RAGPICKER consulting beautifully-drawn, inaccurate dungeon map. They are looking for a BOTTLE OF SHADOW, an heirloom of their family, which was stolen by GRINNING DWARFs and is now hidden in a filth-crusted sack somewhere in room .
Room .
Bubbling lake of mildly corrosive alkaline goo must be navigated via stepping stones. PIRATE SCARAB hidden in goo, obviously. Harmless until you get any blood in the goo, then will go into feeding frenzy.
Room .
SMELL: Faint breeze. Hard to tell where from, seems to change directions.
SIGHT: Ammonite, trilobite fossils visible in walls.
IMAGINARY OGRE bedchamber. Four-poster bed, priceless paintings kidnapped from world are hung on walls and artistically befouled. Fairy kept in cage as singing nightlight begs release, claims to be able to grant wishes, can't. Golden key to cage discarded in room W, IMAGINARY OGRE concluded they will never need it. Cage highly portable, otherwise unbreakable.
Room .
SMELL: Air painfully dry.
Staircase wraps around inner wall of well. One exit high up, one at water level. Water pitch black. ANTI-GARGOYLE that lives in well usually not hungry, can be roused to surface by ringing bell at very top of shaft.
Room .
Enormous crystal-clear underground lake w/ TWO-HEADED MOSS growing around it, couple of BLUE WEASELs peacefully drinking at edges. METEOR CROSSBOW lies clearly visible at very bottom of lake, which is much deeper than it looks.
Room .
SOUND: Muffled voices from next room.
SIGHT: Bioluminescent bacteria gleam in the walls and the dark mud of the floor.
Two statues. One always tells lies, one always tells the truth. They only know things that statues would know. None of the passages out of this room are trapped or dangerous in any way.
Room .
SOUND: Every noise echoes to an absurd degree.
When you look down this hallway it seems to get narrower and narrower until you reach the end, which is child-sized. When you walk down it it stays the same size but you shrink. Works very differently if there's another way around.
Room .
SMELL: Dry and musty, like mummy wrappings and black mold.
Mechanical platform that takes you from top of shaft to bottom of shaft w/ ease. Third exit halfway up shaft, goes by too quickly to jump to. Each time you use it, 25% chance that tinkering GRINNING DWARFs will jam the platform just below the third exit and attack from above.
Room .
Hall lined w/ oil paintings of forgotten aristocracy. Some have been defaced. Cursory knowledge of local history will tell you which conceals secret door.
Room .
SOUND: Agonizingly slow waterdrip.
BLUE WEASEL den. Where they keep their babies. Parents not pleased to see you.
Room .
SOUND: Rumble of tectonic plates shifting, impossibly loud and distant.
STATHOXIS the MUTE CAPTAIN, with broken leg, desperately trying to fend off a couple of PIRATE SCARAB. Is carrying HORN OF HEALING, which would be easier to take from their corpse.
Room .
Old wooden chest, given wide berth by nervous, prowling GRINNING DWARFs who are 100% certain it's a mimic. 20% chance this is true. Key to chest, even if it's a mimic, is clutched in the hand of the top half of a skeleton in room . Chest contains reasonable amount of gold, partially-chewed SLIPPERS OF THE SWARM (operates at half efficiency until repaired), gnawed bottom half of skeleton. Possible if chest not mimic that it will follow PCs around dungeon fucking w/ them.
Room .
Rope bridge across underground lake. Third exit at water level, can be accessed by diving into water, but you'll want some plan for getting out again. ANTI-GARGOYLE that lives in lake usually not hungry.
Room .
BLUE WEASELs engaged in elaborate mating ritual. Single GRINNING DWARF watching w/ creepy intensity.
Room .
SMELL: Meaty reek of underworld flowers, like frying fat and potpourri.
Enormous pile of ANIMATED DRUMs, all exactly alike, dumped haphazardly in corner. Only one is real. The rest are clever fakes that have a 25% chance of working once and then break. Somewhere in room is concealed the secret of finding the real one. Possibly in someone's brain.
Room .
Panicky GRINNING DWARF wearing obviously-stolen NECKLACE OF FRIENDSHIP caught at fork in road, not sure which way to go. In one round SCABONEUS the WHISTLING PRIEST, conspicuously missing NECKLACE OF FRIENDSHIP, will emerge on scene and demand it back.
Room .
Beam of light comes down from above. HALBERD OF THE PHILOSOPHER embedded in monolith in room's centre. Can only be removed by hand of true king, which can be found - dried, placed in wall sconce, candle placed in curled fingers, is now magical torch that reveals ghosts - in room .
Room .
SIGHT: Walls are sandstone, gritty when you touch them.
SMELL: Faint breeze. Hard to tell where from, seems to change directions.
Room shaped like inside of tetrahedron. Anyone standing in etched circle in room's centre teleported to random other room of dungeon. Can be controlled by fetching tetrahedronal crystal in room B, will grant access to secret treasure chamber w/ no doors leading to it. Someone has to stay behind to teleport you out again.
Room .
Time moves slower the closer you get to the middle of this room. STATHOSSUS the WHIMSICAL ADMIRAL, wearing a crown, wielding RAPIER OF WINTER caught in stasis at exact centre. In fact crown is cursed - you can remove it pretty easily, breaking the curse and halting the effect, but in the time it takes you several years will have passed outside. STATHOSSUS the WHIMSICAL ADMIRAL is notorious character from history.
Room .
Vertical shaft w/ rope hanging from ceiling, goes two-thirds of way to floor.
Room .
Rallying grounds for small GRINNING DWARF army. IMAGINARY OGRE currently giving rousing speech to assembled phalanx, promising riches/success in afterlife to soldier that brings back the the juiciest human baby.
Room .
OBERION the OILY RAGPICKER and SYGGOXIS the MOROSE POLITICIAN fighting for possession of a PIRATE'S LAMP, each with an extremely good argument for why it is rightfully theirs. Actually they stole it from the hoard of a IMAGINARY OGRE, who had it as a birthday present from their underworld pen pal and to whom it is of great sentimental value.
Room .
IMAGINARY OGRE dabbling in painting, composing a still life from scene of PIRATE SCARAB and bones. Having trouble getting the PIRATE SCARAB to stay still. Has left a paint canister (turbulent green) in room [, politely promises to kill you unless you go get it right now.
Room .
SIGHT: Empty, rusted iron cages hang from hooks in the wall.
Trash midden. Not planned, just naturally developed here. Infested by tiny well-concealed PIRATE SCARAB. No treasure, just bits of clothing that might have been magical once but no longer are.
Room .
Big wooden door halfway along corridor locked as fuck. Key in possession of GRINNING DWARF in room .
Room .
SIGHT: Ammonite, trilobite fossils visible in walls.
SMELL: Faint caramelly smell of exotic woods.
Beautiful woman made of glass, living in pit of liquid glass. Can see future with 95% accuracy. No particular reason to help PCs, but would rather like to get her hands on fragile glass chalice in room H (she'll eat it). Would be worth a lot if somehow extracted from dungeon and sold as artwork. Scream is like damp fingertip on rim of wineglass, summons ANTI-GARGOYLE from another part of dungeon.
Room .
Site of ancient battle. Hundreds of skeletons, rusted armour, shattered helms. Single, functioning PROPHET'S DAGGER somewhere in mess, but searching for it likely to disturb spirits of the dead.
Room .
One exit blocked by enormous obese PIRATE SCARAB, will only move if presented with still-alive captured GRINNING DWARF or enormous quantity of garbage.
Room .
One path overgrown w/ TWO-HEADED MOSS, one dry and barren, one littered w/ skeletons. TWO-HEADED MOSSs carnivorous, practiced in throwing bones across room for no other reason that they can't digest them and find them unseemly.
Room .
Featureless span of corridor w/ pacing IMAGINARY OGRE in bleak, contemplative mood, searching for reason even to live. Not aggressive until given one - then will immediately turn on PCs. Will come up w/ one on own in half hour or so.
Room .
SOUND: Coins clinking.
SMELL: Salty as sea-air.
Rope bridge across underground lake. Third exit at water level, can be accessed by diving into water, but you'll want some plan for getting out again. ANTI-GARGOYLE that lives in lake usually not hungry.
Room .
SOUND: Chirps of cave crickets.
SIGHT: Extremely high ceiling narrows to tiny skylight.
IMAGINARY OGRE lowering itself to play dice w/ GRINNING DWARF retainers. Will pretend it's condescending to let you live so long as you amuse it by joining in. Actually, not totally sure it can take you, not really in fighting mood, will throw game and say you've earned your freedom. Has NOSE OF THE ZEPHYR, might be convinced to wager it if stakes high enough.
Room .
SIGHT: Walls are murky green glass. You almost feel like you can see through to the next room.
SMELL: Zoosmell, like pressing your face to a tiger and inhaling.
GRINNING DWARF on a banjo, playing the Humanoid Blues.
Room .
SIGHT: Fetishes of bone and feathers dangle from the ceiling.
Circular room. When you enter all the doors slam shut, it spins around faster and faster until you don't know which way you're facing, save or be nauseated then roll 1d4 for direction you leave in. Square hole in centre, square wooden peg hidden in room  can lock it in place.
Room .
SMELL: Faint caramelly smell of exotic woods.
GRINNING DWARF barracks-room, mostly empty. One fat GRINNING DWARF slobberingly asleep in corner. Has DIAMOND STONE on string around neck.
Room .
SMELL: Spoiled-sweet, like garbage.
Apparent dead end in GRINNING DWARF workshop. Secret door concealed beneath anvil. GRINNING DWARF blacksmith not pleased to see you, will attack with half-forged SCYTHE OF THE STARS, only continue to forge it if compelled. Possibility that PCs emerge from beneath anvil.
Room .
SOUND: Hiss of steam escaping through cracks in floor.
Looks like three-doored room. Tarnished mirror in corner will, if cleaned, show secret fourth exit in reflection. If taken to any other room it will also show a secret extra exit in that room. Secret extra exit always goes to same place, no matter where you are in the world. Overuse has chance of awakening evil reflection monsters.
Room .
IMAGINARY OGRE chained by leg or eye-stalk to centre of room. Half a dozen scabby GRINNING DWARFs taunting and jeering it.
Room .
Extremely steep slope. Rope required to go up, down. Your choice whether the PCs start at bottom or top. Outcropping of TWO-HEADED MOSS halfway up seems like it would provide handhold, does, but also tries to eat PCs.
Room .
Room shaped like inside of tetrahedron. Anyone standing in etched circle in room's centre teleported to random other room of dungeon. Can be controlled by fetching tetrahedronal crystal in room , will grant access to secret treasure chamber w/ no doors leading to it. Someone has to stay behind to teleport you out again.
Room .
ANTI-GARGOYLE asleep in centre of irregular room, can only be squeezed round w/ difficulty.
Room .
Panicky GRINNING DWARF wearing obviously-stolen SANDALS OF THE ELEPHANT caught at fork in road, not sure which way to go. In one round SHIROXIS the TATTOOED BARBARIAN, conspicuously missing SANDALS OF THE ELEPHANT, will emerge on scene and demand it back.
Room .
SIGHT: Room is part of ancient mansion, walls are rotting wood.
PANDWOMP the SERVILE WIZARD consulting beautifully-drawn, inaccurate dungeon map. They are looking for a DEMON'S EYE, an heirloom of their family, which was stolen by GRINNING DWARFs and is now hidden in a filth-crusted sack somewhere in room .
Room .
Bubbling lake of mildly corrosive alkaline goo must be navigated via stepping stones. PIRATE SCARAB hidden in goo, obviously. Harmless until you get any blood in the goo, then will go into feeding frenzy.
Room .
One exit blocked by enormous obese PIRATE SCARAB, will only move if presented with still-alive captured GRINNING DWARF or enormous quantity of garbage.
Room .
Looks like three-way intersection. One exit actually trap, leads to immediate dead end and floor collapse. Then GRINNING DWARFs come in and start poking you w/ sticks.
Room .
Beautiful woman made of glass, living in pit of liquid glass. Can see future with 95% accuracy. No particular reason to help PCs, but would rather like to get her hands on fragile glass chalice in room (she'll eat it). Would be worth a lot if somehow extracted from dungeon and sold as artwork. Scream is like damp fingertip on rim of wineglass, summons ANTI-GARGOYLE from another part of dungeon.
Room .
Enormous pile of LAMP OF THE PITs, all exactly alike, dumped haphazardly in corner. Only one is real. The rest are clever fakes that have a 25% chance of working once and then break. Somewhere in room is concealed the secret of finding the real one. Possibly in someone's brain.
Room .
Couple of sorry-looking GRINNING DWARFs roasting PIRATE SCARAB over fire. In surprisingly good mood, will share. If you get sick and pass out from the feast they will definitely kill you, but otherwise harmless.
Room .
SOUND: Muffled voices from next room.
SIGHT: Room is part of ancient castle, walls are slabs of stone.
Dungeon cenote. Sides overgrown with TWO-HEADED MOSS, climbdownable. Beautiful turquoise blue water. Bioluminescent bacteria intelligent, psychic, capable of projecting terrifyingly potent hallucinations/activating devotional centre of brain to make you think you see God. Bottom of cenote littered w/ human skeletons from sacrifices. Bacteria feed off flesh. One exit through underwater tunnel, skeleton in tunnel clutches bag of diamond dust and wears water-damaged BUCKLER OF SUMMONING. GRINNING DWARF cultists soon to return.
Room .
Narrow bridge across swiftly-rushing underground river. Anyone who falls in will be carried out of dungeon, take bashing damage from rocks. GRINNING DWARF ambush party clinging to underside of bridge and/or ceiling, will attack halfway across. Some kind of perception check to spot.
Room .
SOUND: Agonizingly slow waterdrip.
GRINNING DWARF marketplace. Stalls selling rusted-through pots, moldy fruit, actual piles of shit. Violence prohibited in marketplace, they will not hurt you as long as you stay within the prescribed boundaries and don't break any of their weird taboos.
Room .
SOUND: Creepy singing, like every nursery rhyme in every horror movie ever.
SMELL: Salty as sea-air.
IMPETAERYS the PITIABLE BISHOP, wearing BEADS OF SPRING, meditating atop stone pillar to unlock its full power, which they intend to use to conquer world.
Room .
TYRMAEL the RUDE PIRATE, with broken leg, desperately trying to fend off a couple of PIRATE SCARAB. Is carrying PROPHET'S HORN, which would be easier to take from their corpse.
Room .
SIGHT: The roots of an ancient tree emerge from the roof.
TYRLET the EXCITABLE DUKE corners you, demands that you answer their riddles to determine which of the paths before you is true and which is false. One path conceals a swinging-blade trap, TYRLET the EXCITABLE DUKE fully aware of where this is and how to circumvent it.
Room .
MYRATHEON the HELPFUL HIGHWAYMAN and DREGOMPA the EXHAUSTED RAGPICKER fighting for possession of a CORD OF THE TITANS, each with an extremely good argument for why it is rightfully theirs. Actually they stole it from the hoard of a IMAGINARY OGRE, who had it as a birthday present from their underworld pen pal and to whom it is of great sentimental value.
Room .
Two statues. One always tells lies, one always tells the truth. They only know things that statues would know. None of the passages out of this room are trapped or dangerous in any way.
Room .
Big wooden door halfway along corridor locked as fuck. Key in possession of GRINNING DWARF in room v.
Room .
Foucault pendulum tracing path in sand of dungeon floor. Messing with it affects gravity slightly throughout entire dungeon.
Room .
SMELL: Air disgustingly humid.
Pit with PIRATE SCARAB lurking at bottom. V. poorly concealed. A couple of gold coins and a BUCKLER OF HEALING in extremely poor condition gleam among the bones of a dead adventurer.
Room .
SIGHT: Everything is coated in fine layer of snail slime.
Map room. Globes, nautical charts, atlases, blueprints, guidebooks. IMAGINARY OGRE studying X-marked plan of faraway island, so enthralled that it has difficulty noticing PCs. Exquisite rug on room's floor seems like abstract pattern, careful study reveals it to be map of dungeon itself.
Room .
Pool of stagnant water with treasure chest at bottom. Treasure chest contains bound, gagged SUMPWEG the OPPORTUNISTIC TORTURER, is temporarily watertight. If released SUMPWEG the OPPORTUNISTIC TORTURER will demand vengeance on GRINNING DWARF in room q, offer reward for assistance in this matter.
Room .
Single incredibly-intelligent GRINNING DWARF has found only space in dungeon where it is possible to just sit and think. If left to own devices will rule own kingdom on surface world in ~10 years.
Room .
SIGHT: Floor covered w/ layer of gritty sand.
ANTI-GARGOYLE den. Sulphuric fumes vent from somewhere deep within. Contains skeleton holding COLD-IRON SICKLE, which in addition to other powers gets +2 against ANTI-GARGOYLE. 50% chance that ANTI-GARGOYLE is out. Secret way out of dungeon, big enough for monster to fit through.
Room .
Cornered, enraged, only semi-wounded ANTI-GARGOYLE preparing to unleash its ultimate attack on bunch of spear-wielding GRINNING DWARFs who think they're doing much better than they are. If you wait you can get it before its ultimate attack recharges.
Room .
SMELL: Air disgustingly humid.
SIGHT: Walls are sandstone, gritty when you touch them.
Space-distorting statue in exactly-square corner of corridor. Shaking right hand will increase number of corners until corridor is mile-long side of polygon. Shaking left hand will decrease it again.
Room .
Feast hall / audience chamber of underworld king. One entrance on either side of hall. IMAGINARY OGRE in throne at end of hall hearing stream of GRINNING DWARF petitioners.
Room .
Trash midden. Not planned, just naturally developed here. Infested by tiny well-concealed PIRATE SCARAB. No treasure, just bits of clothing that might have been magical once but no longer are.
Room .
Big circular room, IMAGINARY OGRE armed with SCORPION DIRK patrolling boundaries. IMAGINARY OGRE will not allow anyone to pass straight through crossroads. Doesn't mind you turning corners. Cheating by trying to turn two corners will be strictly punished.
Room .
Corridor from abandoned prison. Walls lined w/ jail cells, most of the bars rotted away or overgrown w/ TWO-HEADED MOSS. BLUE WEASELs nesting in cell halfway along, loose brick behind cell wall conceals TOTEM OF THE EVENING that only works a third of the time, is haunted by ghost of QUEEKRICK the SERVILE THIEF who will tell you how to fix it if you get vengeance on their jailer.
Room .
Crossroads, but one exit just loops back around into the other one. Walls of loop contain shelves for entombed corpses w/ gold coins on their eyes and PIRATE SCARAB concealed in their flesh.
Room .
SMELL: Delicious stew boiling. The more you sniff at it the more it changes to rotting flesh.
Bedchamber of three, four GRINNING DWARFs. Sodden and filthy. Careful inspection of damp rags that serve as bedding will reveal a(n) PROPHET'S CORD in surprisingly good condition, but forces save against filth fever.
Room .
SOUND: Coins clinking.
Corridor lined on each side with mirrors so it looks like infinite PCs crawling through infinite dungeons. There is a mirror somewhere in room and next time you enter it you will see your reflections banging against the glass, claiming that they are the real PCs and you are just their reflections.
Room .
Looks like empty room. Actually maw of cave leviathan, those weird stalagmites its teeth. Glimmer of treasure deep in gullet is pyrite lure. BLUE WEASELs pick dead flesh from between teeth.
Room .
Clay nest of PIRATE SCARAB in corner. Single GRINNING DWARF tasked w/ exterminating it, no idea where to begin, will lead you to hiding place of HUNTER'S BAG in room if you can give it a hand. Surprisingly reliable and honest.
Room .
HOBBYX the BOASTFUL PROPHET attempting to domesticate BLUE WEASEL, with limited success. Has been reliably informed that BLUE WEASEL's favourite food is TWO-HEADED MOSS, will pay semi-handsomely for samples.
Room .
Old wooden chest, given wide berth by nervous, prowling GRINNING DWARFs who are 100% certain it's a mimic. 20% chance this is true. Key to chest, even if it's a mimic, is clutched in the hand of the top half of a skeleton in room . Chest contains reasonable amount of gold, partially-chewed DANCING SHIELD (operates at half efficiency until repaired), gnawed bottom half of skeleton. Possible if chest not mimic that it will follow PCs around dungeon fucking w/ them.
Room .
Single enormous carnivorous TWO-HEADED MOSS that is secretly intelligent and the mastermind behind everything that happens in this dungeon.
Room .
SIGHT: Everything is coated in fine layer of snail slime.
Observatory. Star charts, half-ground lenses, celestial globes, tables of astronomical data (looks like random numbers) and pulsar emissions. IMAGINARY OGRE mesmerized by whatever it sees through single enormous telescope. If you broke the telescope's lens you could climb out of the dungeon through it.
Room .
SMELL: Dry and musty, like mummy wrappings and black mold.
SOUND: Crunch of footsteps on sand.
One passage being slowly walled off by GRINNING DWARFs under supervision of cranky, half-asleep IMAGINARY OGRE who is enforcing compliance w/ threat of physical violence, eternal torment.
Room .
Apparent dead end in GRINNING DWARF workshop. Secret door concealed beneath anvil. GRINNING DWARF blacksmith not pleased to see you, will attack with half-forged PIRATE'S SABRE, only continue to forge it if compelled. Possibility that PCs emerge from beneath anvil.
Room .
SIGHT: The roots of an ancient tree emerge from the roof.
THAGLER the PEDANTIC KING, armed w/ DAGGER OF EVASION, on quest to kill a ANTI-GARGOYLE, which they are only semi-certain even lives in this dungeon.
Room .
SMELL: Strangely warm, like being in a kiln.
Inverted ziggurat - steps going down to bottom of room, altar to dungeon god at lowest point. BAUDWEND the STUPID PIRATE is tied to altar with GRINNING DWARFs preparing to sacrifice them. Everything exactly as it seems.
Room .
SOUND: Sound like crunching glass or gnawing teeth. Comes from within walls.
SMELL: Faint caramelly smell of exotic woods.
Bunch of GRINNING DWARFs who were just pointlessly fucking sitting there waiting for something to walk in so they could attack it.
Room .
SMELL: Faint caramelly smell of exotic woods.
Completely empty room. Or is it? Yes. Yes it is.
Room .
SOUND: Almost-subsonic warble of cave songbirds.
IMPETION the CURSED DUKE, playing the flute. Has no idea they're in a dungeon. Can see everything around them perfectly clearly, just refuses to believe it's a dungeon. Will confabulate other things it could be. Flute not magical unless you desperately need it to be.
Room .
Bemused ANTI-GARGOYLE being worshipped by bunch of prostrated GRINNING DWARFs. 25% chance this is actually a clever trick to get close enough to kill it.
Room .
SIGHT: Immense limestone stalactites hang from ceiling.
SOUND: Every noise echoes precisely once.
Formerly a wizard's study. Now a breeding pair of BLUE WEASELs has made a nest of the spellbooks, which reveal interesting magical snippets if closely examined. Torn-up pages, gummed back together, may have produced odd new spells.
Room .
GRINNING DWARF games room. Mildewed cardboard boxes, rotting tomes with amusing titles like Ye Olde Playeres Handbooke. Spotty GRINNING DWARFS hunched over reasonably flat rock playing Humans and Hamlets with dice made of bone and precious stones. One of the dice is actually lucky.
Room .
SMELL: Meaty reek of underworld flowers, like frying fat and potpourri.
Hideout for rebellious GRINNING DWARFs, unwilling to recognize authority of IMAGINARY OGRE, want to establish tiny republic in forgotten dungeon crevice.
Room .
SIGHT: Fetishes of bone and feathers dangle from the ceiling.
Actual dungeon, exists to hold prisoners. Guarded by pair of GRINNING DWARFs, one sleepy, one watchful. They are siblings. Couple of human captives in pitiful condition, starving in cells. One is GARROGG the WHIMSICAL PEDDLER.
Room .
SMELL: Old people and medicine.
IMAGINARY OGRE laboratory. Weird hybrid things bubble away in glass tanks. At least one attempted crossbreed between GRINNING DWARF and BLUE WEASEL. IMAGINARY OGRE not there. PHOEBLISCO the VENGEFUL DRUID pretends to be experimental captive, is actually willing lab assistant.
Room .
IMAGINARY OGRE dabbling in painting, composing a still life from scene of PIRATE SCARAB and bones. Having trouble getting the PIRATE SCARAB to stay still. Has left a paint canister (turbulent green) in room }, politely promises to kill you unless you go get it right now.
Room .
SIGHT: Ammonite, trilobite fossils visible in walls.
SOUND: Burble of distant river.
Enormous mirror is scrying-portal to alternate realms. IMAGINARY OGRE getting stern lecture from overboss in Plane of Chaos/other, better dungeon/Hell, will shortly emerge in extremely foul mood. If there is a mirror anywhere else in the dungeon this mirror will let you look out of it.
Room .
SCABYX the VENGEFUL MONK looking for girl/boy/personfriend, who they think is being held captive by GRINNING DWARFS. Actually came with them willingly to get away from SCABYX the VENGEFUL MONK, now rethinking it, dungeon life losing sense of mystery and grandeur. Still hates SCABYX the VENGEFUL MONK though. Is in room G.
Room .
Enormous brass lever that raises/lowers water level throughout whole dungeon. There is another, similar level in room .
Room .
Ledge halfway up wall of big cylindrical pit-cavern, no way in, out except via entrances to ledge. ANTI-GARGOYLE trapped at bottom of pit, bleeding from a number of minor wounds. Extremely long spiked sticks for poking it with. Couple of GRINNING DWARFs indulging in this pastime.
Room .
SIGHT: Floor covered w/ layer of gritty sand.
Salt lick. Vein of salt (somehow) in wall of cave, BLUE WEASELs lapping at it. If you bring salt to other parts of cave the BLUE WEASELs there will lick it out of your hands and it will be adorable.
Room .
Iron portcullis, GRINNING DWARF on other side asking substantial fee to raise it. Will slam it shut when you're directly under it to try and spike you to death. If you approach this from the other side the GRINNING DWARF will also be on the other side, it can squeeze through the bars.
Room .
Treasure room. Magnetic gates prevent you removing any gold or steel, even if you brought it in with you. SCIMITAR OF FIRE made of pure gold in hand of enormous porcelain golem. Talisman in room deactivates gates, activates golem.
Room .
SMELL: Air painfully dry.
SIGHT: Floor covered w/ layer of gritty sand.
Space is bent in such a way that walking down this tunnel will bring you out in room g.
Room .
SOUND: Howling laughter, swiftly fades to nothing.
Lightless oubliette. MOTHAS the MASKED RAGPICKER has been trapped in here for at least twenty years, some GRINNING DWARFs coming by to feed and water them occasionally.
Room .
Mechanical platform that takes you from top of shaft to bottom of shaft w/ ease. Third exit halfway up shaft, goes by too quickly to jump to. Each time you use it, 25% chance that tinkering GRINNING DWARFs will jam the platform just below the third exit and attack from above.
Room .
Shrine to dungeon god. Altar will curse you if you touch it unless you prepare the proper sacrifices, which consist of one ritually smothered BLUE WEASEL. If you do it will bless you. One GRINNING DWARF elsewhere in dungeon is priest, knows secret to this.
Room .
SOUND: Dead silence. Even your voices muffled.
SMELL: Dry and musty, like mummy wrappings and black mold.
Smooth, round tunnel of enormous PIRATE SCARAB, which you will find advancing towards you when you are halfway along.
Room .
IMAGINARY OGRE bedchamber. Four-poster bed, priceless paintings kidnapped from world are hung on walls and artistically befouled. Fairy kept in cage as singing nightlight begs release, claims to be able to grant wishes, can't. Golden key to cage discarded in room , IMAGINARY OGRE concluded they will never need it. Cage highly portable, otherwise unbreakable.
Room .
SMELL: Rotten-egg brimstone.
Hall lined w/ oil paintings of forgotten aristocracy. Some have been defaced. Cursory knowledge of local history will tell you which conceals secret door.
Room .
Hideout for rebellious GRINNING DWARFs, unwilling to recognize authority of IMAGINARY OGRE, want to establish tiny republic in forgotten dungeon crevice.